


Pick-Up Lines

by LC_Wolfe



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 02:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7739905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LC_Wolfe/pseuds/LC_Wolfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?" "Technically modern birds are dinosaurs."</p>
<p>In which Lance uses bad pick-up lines and Keith is oblivious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pick-Up Lines

The first time was in the rec room. Keith was studying a map he had found in one of the Castle’s many rooms when Lance slid onto the couch next to him. Keith ignored him; maybe he would go away if he wasn’t given any attention.

“You should tie your shoes.”

Keith slowly raised his head at the comment, glancing over at the blue paladin. Lance was smirking at him, one eyebrow raised. Keith’s forehead creased in confusion.

“What?”

“I don’t want you falling for anyone else.”

That explanation did nothing to help Keith’s confusion. If anything, it just made it worse.

“Lance, I wear boots. They don’t have any laces.”

The smile faded almost instantly from Lance’s face, a mildly baffled expression replacing it.

“Wait, wha- That’s not what I was…”

“And why would I be falling _for_ anyone, anyway?” Keith questioned further. “I don’t just fall because someone wants me to, unless they knock me down.”

Lance rolled his eyes, standing up.

“You know what? Never mind. Forget I even said anything.”

Keith tried to go back to studying the map as Lance left the room, but he couldn’t concentrate. Something about what Lance had said bothered him, but he didn’t know why.

Why did Lance want him to fall?

 

The second time was after team training. Shiro had gotten the idea that they all needed to spend more time bonding with their lions and each other, so for an hour or two each day they would park the Castle and take out their lions for “team-building” exercises – which was basically just another term for playing tag and keep-away in giant robot cats.

Keith removed his helmet and tugged the rubber band out of his hair. He had taken to putting it up in a ponytail before putting on his uniform, after he discovered just how _bad_ his helmet-hair could get.

“Hey, Keith!”

Lance caught up to the red paladin, slinging an arm around his shoulders before Keith could protest. He was smirking again, like he was God’s gift to humanity or something. Before Keith could politely but firmly shove him off, Lance spoke up.

“So, kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?”

“It’s ‘correct me’ not ‘kiss me.’ And technically, modern birds are dinosaurs. Theropods, to be exact,” Keith’s reply was almost automatic. He was never sure why that particular bit of trivia always stuck with him, but he was never able to forget it.

Lance opened his mouth like he was about to make a wisecrack, but he just sighed and shook his head, his arm sliding off Keith’s shoulders.

“Of course you’d know something like that. I thought Pidge was the token nerd on this team!”

“Literally right behind you,” Pidge spoke up, passing the two paladins without so much as a backwards glance.

“Oh, come off it, Pidge, you know you’re proud of that title!” Lance called after them. Pidge’s only response was to raise their middle finger as they walked away. “I’m telling Shiro you did that!”

Lance glared after Pidge for a few seconds, as if to let the threat sink in, before looking at Keith.

“Are birds seriously dinosaurs?” he asked.

“According to scientists, they are.” Keith still wasn’t sure what the point of this conversation was, or why he was continuing it. Lance’s shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Aw, man. There’s one I can never use again…”

One _what_ he could never use again? Whatever it was, Lance was clearly disappointed by it.

“But, hey. On the bright side, you were actually right about something for once.” Keith awkwardly patted Lance’s shoulder, unsure of what else to do. “Uh, good job, Lance.”

He could feel Lance staring at him as he walked away. Keith didn’t often feel self-conscious, but with Lance’s gaze on his back, he couldn’t help but feel as though he had said something wrong. Again.

 

The third time was in the training deck. Lance had chosen to tag along on Keith’s routine training session against the gladiator, against Keith’s wishes. In the end, he decided to just let it be.

In retrospect, he should have known Lance would just use this time to goof off. Lance was sitting off to one side, leaning against the wall with his cell phone out. Every so often, he would let out a loud groan, then glance at Keith to check if he had heard. After the third over-exaggerated groan, Keith finally paused the training simulation, looking over at the other boy.

_“What?”_

“Something’s wrong with my phone.” Lance frowned at the device in his hand. Keith wasn’t entirely sure why Lance suddenly seemed to be so interested in his cell phone; it wasn’t as though they could call Earth or get pizza delivered to the Castle. Even so, he decided to humor Lance.

“Do you need me to get Pidge to take a look at it?”

“Nah, it’s nothing like that, it’s just… There’s something really wrong here.”

“Well, what is it?” Keith couldn’t help but wonder why Lance was choosing to share this with him. Pidge was the tech-savvy one of the group, surely it would make more sense to be telling them the problem.

Lance caught Keith’s eye and smirked.

“Your number’s not in it.”

“…We have comm units to contact each other with, and you can’t even get any service out here in space. Why would you need my number in your phone?”

Lance’s jaw dropped. All he could do was stare at Keith, incredulous. The red paladin blinked.

“What?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’? I just asked you for your phone number, and your response is that we already have comm units? Are you for real?!”

“…You didn’t ask me for my number. You just said my number wasn’t in your phone.”

“ _Seriously?!”_ Lance slapped his forehead, dragging his hand down his face in aggravation. “Who am I kidding. You can’t even get the ‘I say Vol, you say Tron’ cheer right. That’s it, I give up.”

Lance stood up, frowning at Keith, who was growing more confused by the second.

“Keith, you are officially the most _oblivious_ person in the entire galaxy. Strike that, the entire universe. I don’t know why I even waste my time on you.”

Keith could only watch him leave, his confusion evident on his face. _Befuddled_ was the only word Keith could think of. Apparently he had done _something_ wrong. He had done _something_ to upset Lance. He just couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it was.

He ended the training simulation. There was no way he’d be able to concentrate on it now. The paladins were supposed to be a team. If any of them were at odds with each other, how were they supposed to sync properly in battle? Keith pulled on his jacket. Pidge and Hunk knew Lance better than he did. Maybe he could find them, ask if they knew what Lance could be upset about.

 

He found them in the kitchen. Pidge was sitting on the counter, typing away at a laptop, while Hunk was stirring unknown ingredients into a bowl. Hunk was the one who greeted Keith when he entered the room.

“Hey, Keith.” Hunk waved the hand holding the spoon at him. “If you’re looking for a snack, you’re just in time. Few more minutes, and I’ll have this ready.”

“You’re gonna want to stand back.” Pidge adjusted their glasses with a frown in Hunk’s direction. “Apparently this is a _Space Goo Splash-Zone.”_

“Hey, cooking is an art. Art is messy. You don’t wanna get splashed by Space Goo, don’t sit on the counter. Simple as that.”

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry,” Keith said. “I was actually looking for you guys.”

Keith leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. He hoped the casual stance would mask how awkward he was currently feeling.

“Has Lance been acting… _strange_ to you?” he asked.

“You’re going to have to be way more specific than that, Keith,” Pidge replied. “Lance and strange kind of go hand-in-hand.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. I mean he’s been acting stranger than usual. He’s been saying weird things to me.”

That got their attention. Hunk stopped mixing. Pidge actually looked up from their computer.

“Weird things, huh?” Pidge had an odd look on their face, like they were struggling not to laugh. “Like what, exactly?”

Keith’s gaze flickered to the wall, unable to maintain eye contact. This whole thing was already uncomfortable enough.

“Well, earlier today, he told me there was something wrong with his phone because my number wasn’t in it. He also told me that I should tie my shoes so I don’t fall for anyone else, but I wear boots, so that doesn’t even make any sense…” Keith trailed off. Both Hunk and Pidge were staring at him now, with odd smiles on their faces. Keith glanced away, suddenly uncomfortable. “Anyway, that’s what’s been going on.”

“Ah. I see.” Pidge rubbed their chin, glancing up at the ceiling in thought. “Hm, now how exactly do I explain this-”

“Lance is hitting on you, man!” Hunk interrupted, flinging his arms out and accidentally showering Pidge in a spoonful of Space Goo. “Oops. Oh, man, Pidge, I am really sorry. Totally unintentional, I promise.”

Pidge glared at Hunk, taking off their glasses to shake them clean.

“Not quite the way I would have put it, but yes, that is what it basically boils down to.”

Keith blinked, a little taken aback by Hunk’s obvious excitement.

“He’s hitting on me…?”

Oh. _Oh._

“Wait. You’re saying he _likes_ me?”

Pidge paused in cleaning their glasses to give Keith a bemused smile.

“That’s usually the conclusion one comes to when someone’s flirting with them, yes. Lance likes you. I might even go so far as to say he _like-likes_ you.”

“Did he use the dinosaur one? Oh, please tell me he used the dinosaur one, he’s been saving that one for a real special occasion!” Hunk was practically jumping up and down, covering Pidge in more Space Goo in the process.

Keith slapped his forehead, sliding down to the floor with a groan. He was only half-listening to Hunk babble on. He made fun of Lance for being the stupid one all the time, yet here he was, not even able to pick up on the most basic of social cues. First the stupid Voltron cheer, and now this.

Lance liked him. _Lance_ liked _him._ Insufferable Lance, with his cocky smirk, and his dumb jokes, and the grin he would shoot at Keith whenever he just felt like starting a fight. Lance, who had insisted that they were rivals within seconds of officially meeting each other. Lance, whose entire being seemed to soften whenever he talked about his family back on Earth. Lance, who nearly gave Keith a heart attack every time he put himself in danger. Lance, who made Keith so _angry_ every time he started flirting with another pretty alien girl…

_Sweet mother of quiznak, he liked Lance._

“Quiznak,” Keith muttered. He climbed to his feet, heading straight for the door. Hunk leaned over to Pidge as the two paladins watched him leave.

“Twenty bucks says he chickens out before he can say anything to him.”

“You are so on.”

 

Keith wasn’t able to approach Lance until after breakfast the next morning. He told himself he was just waiting for the right time, figuring out how to approach him, deciding on what to say.

It definitely wasn’t because he was more nervous than he had ever been before in his life. Nope, definitely not. He definitely wasn’t _avoiding_ Lance and this conversation or anything.

“He’s in the rec room.”

Keith practically jumped out of his skin, turning to the voice. Hunk was watching him with crossed arms, but his eyes were bright, a small smile on his face.

“Who is?” Keith asked, as if he didn’t know.

“Uh, _Lance._ The guy you were ignoring so hard at breakfast I thought your veins were gonna burst.”

“I wasn’t ignoring him.” He was. “I was just… Look, he’ll get over it eventually, right? The next time he says something to me, I can just-”

Hunk groaned, squeezing the bridge of his nose in aggravation.

“Dude, miscommunication is literally the most overused cliché in the history of storytelling. Just talk to him. Please. It’ll make all of our lives so much easier.”

Keith sighed. He ran one hand through his hair absentmindedly.

“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to _say_ to him,” he admitted. Hunk perked up a little upon hearing that.

“Then why not just take a page from his book?”

 

Keith stood outside the doors to the rec room. Now he was stalling, and was willing to admit it. Being this nervous was an alien feeling for him. He wasn’t used to being this hesitant about anything.

“You’re the paladin of the Red Lion,” he told himself. “Trust your instincts.”

Before he could lose his nerve, he stepped forward, the doors sliding open immediately to accommodate him. Fortunately, Lance was still in the rec room. Unfortunately, he was talking to Shiro and Pidge.

Keith almost backed out. For some reason, it had never occurred to him that any other occupants of the Castle would be here. He was nervous enough at the thought of talking to Lance one-on-one, having an audience, on the other hand…

Lance glanced at him. Keith knew he couldn’t put this off any longer. He had to talk to Lance _now._

He curled his hands into fists, ignoring how sweaty his palms were and took a deep breath. _Here goes nothing._

“Lance. Can I talk to you?”

Lance fixed him with a cool look and Keith felt his stomach twist. Yeah, he had definitely messed up this time.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Lance turned to face him fully, hands in his pockets. “What’s up?”

“Uh…” Keith could feel his face heating up. “Do you have a map?”

“…Okay, I’ll bite. What do you need a map for?”

Oh, this was a bad idea. This was _so_ a bad idea.

“I… Well, because I…”

Why was he so nervous about this? Lance did this all the time without breaking a sweat; it should be simple, shouldn’t it? Then why was his heart beating so fast? Maybe it was because unlike Lance’s attempts at flirting, Keith had an audience. A small one, but he was commanding their full attention. Shiro was watching with an expression of almost fatherly concern, while Pidge looked like their favorite soap opera had just come on and they didn’t want to miss a thing.

Keith forced himself to tune them out, focusing on Lance. He instantly recognized this as a mistake as his throat went dry and his hands began to shake. Lance raised an eyebrow at him, taking one hand out of his pocket to reach for the red paladin like he might fall over at any second.

“Keith, are you-”

“Because I keep getting lost in your _stupid_ eyes!” Keith finally blurted out. Before he could see Lance’s reaction, he turned and bolted out of the room.

“What just- Did he just-” Lance rapidly looked between the other two and the door, before apparently reaching a decision. “Keith! Hey, Keith, wait!”

Shiro had seen a lot of weird and confusing things in his time. He had done some weird and confusing things. This _definitely_ beat all of them.

“Well. That was… something,” he said. Pidge snickered. Shiro looked at them, crossing his arms and fixing them with a stern expression.

“Would you care to explain to me what just happened?”

“Keith is the most oblivious person in the entire universe because apparently even _Lance_ is too subtle for him, and Hunk now owes me twenty bucks.”

Pidge grinned, a little evilly for such a small human, and Shiro made a mental note to never bet against Pidge. The doors slid open and Allura entered, looking confused.

“I just saw Lance chasing Keith down the hall. Did they get into another fight? I thought they were finally starting to get along…”

“Ask Shiro, he’ll explain everything to you. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a bet to cash in on.” Pidge waved as they left the room, shooting another evil grin at Shiro. Shiro made another mental note to have Coran assign Pidge some extra cleaning duties, preferably in the ship’s bathrooms.

“Shiro?” Allura was looking at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation. “Is something going on between Lance and Keith?”

Shiro dragged his hand down his face with a quiet groan. His life had almost been _easier_ when he was a Galra captive.

**Author's Note:**

> Lance just strikes me as the type to enjoy bad pick-up lines and use them in complete seriousness.
> 
> tumblr: l-c-wolfe.tumblr.com


End file.
